Do Not Stand
by Debbie Kluge
Summary: Sometimes, life-changing revelations can come from totally unexpected places. A short story set in the past in the Jealousy Universe.


Benton Quest stood staring out across the restless ocean in silence, the damp, cold spring breeze causing him to shiver slightly

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**THE REAL ADVENTURES OF JONNY QUEST**

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Do Not Stand 

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**By**

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**Debbie Kluge**

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Benton Quest shivered in the chill spring air as he stood staring out across the restless ocean in silence.He was tired and depressed. It was late afternoon of what had been a long and difficult day.Race was angry, Jonny had been particularly difficult, acting up in a way he seldom did, Jessie was sulking, Hadji was bedridden.Changes and bad timing had conspired against him to leave him stretched too thin. Right now, just trying to make it through the end of this day seemed almost more than he could do.

Thinking about life in his home recently caused Benton to sigh deeply.When Race had come to him asking if he could bring his daughter, Jessie, to spend part of the year with them, Benton hadn't even hesitated.Of course Jessie could join them, he had told Race.She would be welcome for as long as she cared to stay.But saying she was welcome and making the adjustment had been two entirely different things.

Jessie Bannon was the first female to live regularly with the Quests since Rachel had died four years before._It's funny_, Benton thought to himself, watching the late afternoon clouds roll and churn in the wind, _how you don't realize the little differences until you have to deal with them_.Everything from having to buy feminine hygiene products at the grocery story to the age-old argument about leaving the toilet seat up.It should be funny, but recently the humor of the situation seemed to have dissipated.

Some things had been easier than others.Jessie was something of a tomboy and that had helped.She enjoyed many of the same things that Jonny and Hadji did.And she seemed to have an instinctive understanding of Hadji interest in his own heritage. Unfortunately, she was also competitive.In that respect she was very much like Jonny.That aspect had caused some problems.

Jessie had missed her father intensely during their separation.It was also obvious from the first day she had arrived that Race had missed her just as much.Without realizing it, Race appeared to have filled the void created by his separation from his family by developing an extremely close bond with Jonny.Benton would be eternally grateful to Race for the support and attention he had given Jonny during the time immediately following Rachel's death.Benton knew Race had been instrumental in helping Jonny deal with her loss, and Benton was certain that Jonny was as well adjusted as he was now because of that time.

But Jessie had needed his attention, as well, and she had not been in a position to get it.So when she arrived, Race had made every effort to spend time with her.And that had caused friction, too.It wasn't that Jonny begrudged the time Race spent with Jessie, but after having all of Race's attention directed to him, to have to share it was turning out to be extremely difficult.And their competitive nature caused both of them to over-react on occasion.Jessie had been with them close to a month now, and the tension had been building the entire time.

Benton guessed it shouldn't have surprised him that it would be today . . . of all days . . . that it had finally erupted.The explosion came at the breakfast table first thing this morning and had just served to be the start of a really bad day.Jessie had asked Jonny a perfectly harmless question about what they were going to do that day.When he hadn't responded, she had asked again, more insistently.Jonny had responded that he didn't know and, furthermore, why did she think he was going to do **_anything_** with her.Jessie's reply had been quick and angry.In the next instant, the two kids were screaming at each other, and before either of the adults could intercede, Jonny had hurdled his half-full cereal bowl at her.Thankfully, the bowl itself had not struck her, but she was hit square in the face with flying cereal and milk.Only Race's swift intervention had prevented a violent physical confrontation.

Benton sighed again.He certainly hadn't reacted well, losing his temper and yelling at both of them.Jonny had run off to his room to sulk and Jessie had just sat at the table, crying.It was Race who had taken over, leading his daughter to her room to clean her up and console her.Benton had gone to talk to his son, but Jonny just huddled on his bed with his back turned and refused to say a word.Finally, Benton had told himself that the best thing to do was to give him some time to cool off and then try and talk to him later.But Benton knew all he was doing was avoiding the situation.Not that it has stopped him from walking away.And as he walked down the hall past Jessie's room, he heard Race trying to explain why Jonny was so on edge that morning.

That reminder of this day's significance had simply fostered Benton's beginning depression as he had fled back downstairs, out the back door and to the lighthouse.He buried himself in work, as he had done on this day for the last four years, in an attempt to just get through the day.Every year he told himself that it would get easier . . . that he could put it behind him and get on with his life.And every year this day rolled around and it seemed even harder than the one before.

As it turned out, work had been just as disastrous as breakfast.First, he had problems testing a new software program for the Quest mainframe.Every time he tried to run anything, it had crashed, triggering a major cascade fault that could only be fixed by taking down the whole system down and rebooting it.Race, whose temper was on edge anyway after the breakfast incident, had been beside himself.Rebooting the system took the entire security grid down. Because of the nature of the fault triggered by the program failure, every monitoring device had to be checked and brought back on line manually.And the Quest Compound had a very large perimeter and a lot of devices to check.After the third time, Race had literally been snarling and Benton hadn't been much better.It took Benton most of the day and five attempts to discover a set of defective chips and replace them . . . a problem he should have recognized the first time the tests failed.

It didn't help matters that he had the additional distraction of worrying about Hadji.The boy was down with a rather severe stomach virus and had been confined to bed by Dr. Mason.Benton had spent the day running back and forth between the main house and the lab, checking on him and debating on getting the doctor to come out to the Compound again.Dr. Mason was a kind and caring woman, but her patience was beginning to wear thin.She had assured Benton several times that Hadji was in no danger.The medication they were giving him would help relieve the symptoms.Beyond that, all that could be done was to let the virus run it's course.

Benton had also checked on Jonny several times throughout the day.Each time he'd tried to talk to his son about the way he was feeling, but Jonny just continued to huddle on his bed, refusing to answer.Benton couldn't bring himself to coax his son because he felt like a knife had been planted in his gut and was being twisted every time he tried.Benton knew they were both struggling to cope and were doing a poor job of it.Jonny didn't know how, and Benton couldn't find a way, either.This was a situation where Benton knew he needed to lead by example, but since he hadn't found a way to deal effectively, that was very difficult.The end result was that they both stayed shut up and alone all day.

God, he **_hated_** the anniversary of Rachel's death.

Jessie Bannon sat quietly in Dr. Quest's big reading chair in the family room.Like everyone else in the Quest household, she had been alone all day.Normally, that wouldn't bother her, but today had been different . . . today everyone was so tense it was awful.She would have liked to talk to Hadji about it.It was funny how easy it was to talk to him.He was a whole lot different than Jonny Quest.But Hadji was sick and her father had given her strict orders to leave him alone.And after what Jonny had done this morning!Jessie tried to be mad again, but found that she really couldn't.Somehow, things had changed.

She thought about what her father had told her this morning about Jonny's mother . . . how she had died when Jonny was little . . . and how bad things were when he first came to stay here.Jessie thought about that again as she sat there.She had missed her father so much when he went away.But she remembered him sitting down with her right before he left and telling her that if she ever really, really needed him, she only had to say so and he would be there.She had done it once or twice, too, and he had come . . . just like he said he would.But finally, her mother had explained to her how what her father did was really important, and how it was important not to disturb him unless it was an emergency.But for Jonny, there was no way to call.His mother was gone forever.She knew how awful that must be and some part of her was glad that her father had been able to help Jonny.He wasn't so bad . . . just a pain sometimes.

Jessie also thought about what her father had said about how Dr. Quest had never been able to 'make peace' with his wife's death.She hadn't understood what he meant by that and had asked him.He explained that it meant that Dr. Quest felt alone and unhappy and couldn't seem to get better.He explained that things were so bad right now because Mrs. Quest had died four years ago today.Jessie had asked if her father thought that the spirit of Mrs. Quest haunted Dr. Quest . . . she was reading a lot of ghost stories right now.Her father had replied that he didn't think so . . . that he thought that perhaps the problem was that Rachel Quest was gone forever and he was just really alone.As Jessie thought about that, she decided that maybe . . . just maybe . . . she had something to say that might help.Abruptly, she rose from her chair and headed for the door.She guessed now was as good of a time as any.

Benton sensed movement to one side of him.He turned his head, expecting to find Jonny, but was startled to see Jessie standing next to him.She stood gazing out over the sea, just as he had been doing, not saying a word.He eyed her uncertainly, then returned his gaze to the restless waves and the two of them stood in silence, wrapped in their own thoughts.

"My grandfather is here."

Benton jumped slightly, surprised at the girl's sudden words.Her voice was soft, and as he turned to look at her questioningly, he saw her smile.Before he could ask her any questions, she continued.

"When my Daddy left, I really didn't know what to do.I was so sure I had done something wrong that caused him to leave.Mom was angry all the time.And I couldn't talk to Daddy to find out what I had done wrong. Mom said he was gone and was never coming back.I could tell she was hurting, too, and I just couldn't talk to her, no matter how hard I tried. I was so frightened and alone.After a while I started getting into trouble."Jessie shrugged as though responding to an often-heard question."I don't know why, but I did."

Benton looked at this skinny girl with the brilliant red hair and green eyes out of the corner of his eye and wondered what was going on.Her gaze was still locked on the waves that stirred restlessly out on the open sea.After a time, she continued.

"One day, Mom came to me and said she had to leave for a dig deep in the jungle.She said she had planned to take me with her, but because I getting into so much trouble, she didn't think it was safe to take me along."Her green eyes locked with his for the first time and he could see indecision flicker briefly in their depths."That's what she told me."There was a brief hesitation and then her gaze returned to the sea again and she said softly,"I believe her."Benton wondered if she was trying to convince herself of it.For a long time, she was quiet.Just as Benton decided that maybe it was time to say something and lead the young girl back to the house, she began to speak again.

"Mom decided it would be better if I spent the time with my grandparents.You know . . . a stable environment.She would have sent me to Grandmother and Grandfather Velasquez, but they had decided to do some traveling, and Mom was afraid I'd get into too much trouble.So she sent me to stay with Grandma and Grandpa Bannon in Texas."

Now, this was news.The day Race had come to ask Benton if Jessie could join him at Quest Compound was the first time he had ever openly discussed his past.He talked about his ex-wife and daughter, explaining that he and Estella had been divorced for almost six years and during that time, he had had very little opportunity to spend time with Jessie.But Race had not mentioned a word about his daughter spending time with his parents.Benton wondered briefly if Race even knew about it.

"Grandpa Bannon was a funny man.He was always laughing and joking.We spent a lot of time together, doing all kinds of cool things.He took me fishing and hiking in the country,taught me to ride horses, showed me how to build blinds so we could sit by the lake in the early morning and watch the ducks and geese, and all kinds of other really neat stuff.It was like having Daddy back again . . .only better . . . he never had to go away on business or anything.I was so happy."Suddenly, she turned and looked him squarely in the face."And then Grandpa Bannon died."

She said it so quietly and simply that it took a minute for the significance to come home to Benton.He stood staring at this young girl numbly, stunned by the extent of the devastation she must have suffered.First to have lost her father, and then to bond with her grandfather, only to lose him, too.He couldn't even begin to take it in.But, slowly, he realized that there was no feel of overwhelming grief about her.If anything, she seemed surrounded by an enduring sense of peace.

Jessie turned and gazed out at the sea again.This time, her eyes followed the soaring flight of an albatross that rode the sky winds out over the open ocean in the gathering dusk.As he watched her, she smiled.

"For a while, I thought my world had fallen in on me forever," she said quietly."I couldn't understand what I had done to cause everyone I cared about to leave.Grandma Bannon called Mom and she came home right away.But Daddy didn't come.I found out later that no one knew where he was.Mom tried to take me back to Colombia with her, but I couldn't leave.Leaving meant walking away from a place I had been happy in for the first time in a long time.So I ran away and hid.Mom called the police and they had all kinds of people out searching for me.They didn't find me.But Gran did.She knew where to look."Suddenly, she turned and laid a small hand on his arm, looking up at him with an intensity that surprised him.

"She told me things about my Grandpa that I never knew.How he loved the out-of-doors so much, and how he never felt more alive than when he outside working on the ranch or fishing or riding his horses.And she told me things about Daddy, too.Like how much he had loved my Mom and me, and how much it had hurt him to leave both of us.But she explained how what Daddy did was really, really important and how Grandpa had always told him he should _do_ those things.She also told me about how Grandpa had told her how much he loved me, and how he would never, ever leave me, no matter what happened.I told her that he **had** left me . . . just like Daddy, but she shook her head and told me it wasn't true. She said that she **_knew_** that Grandpa would never leave either one of us, because he had promised.I remember she smiled at me then, and said he was just with us a little different than before.And then she recited this. . .this . . . poem.I've never forgotten it."

She turned again, and in that same soft, even voice she began,

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there.I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glint on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in morning hush,

I am the swift, uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there.I did not die.

Her voice stopped, and Benton shivered as the wind gusted suddenly, caressing his face in the same way Rachel used to do as she kissed him.And mingled with the soft sighing of the wind, he heard her again.

"And I understood that Grandpa Bannon **had** loved me and would always be with me.I just had to know where to look."He turned to her, trying to think what to say.Before he had the chance, he heard Bandit begin barking sharply in the distance.The barking was answered almost immediately by a sharp _pee-ik . . . pee-ik . . . __pee-ik.Out of the gathering darkness, a slender, long-winged bird darted over their heads on whirring wings, changing directions abruptly and rising rapidly, only to dive like a stone after some night insect.Jessie's smile was brilliant even in the growing darkness as she raised her hand to the flitting nighthawk and said reverently,_

"Goodnight, Grandpa.I love you."

Without another word, Jessie turned and walked back toward the house.As Benton turned to watch her cross the lawn, the scurrying overcast suddenly parted and a single star shown with breath-taking brilliance right over her head. Benton caught his breath sharply.Rachel loved stars.She used to wish on them.

I am the soft starlight at night.

As he stood gazing at that star, a sense of peace seemed to fill him, dispelling the pain and grief that had been a constant part of his life since Rachel had died.And suddenly he knew that grief would never return.It had taken a 12-year-old girl to show him the truth . . . his wife was only lost if he allowed himself to believe it.Everything good that she loved . . . her work, her son, the world that had surrounded her . . . was still here.Even him.And if he would drop the wall of grief that he had erected around himself, she would be with him forever.He stood for a long time, allowing himself to absorb that knowledge.Finally, he raised his head and in an unconscious duplication of Jessie's gesture, he reached out for that glimmering point of light.

"Goodnight, Rachel . . . I love you."

And with that enduring sense of peace filling him, he went in search of Jonny.It was time he began leading by example.

© 1998Debbie Kluge

DISCLAIMER: The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest and all characters, logos, and likenesses therein, are trademarks of and copyrighted by Hanna-Barbera Productions, Inc., and Hanna-Barbera Cartoons, Inc., a Turner company. No copyright infringement is intended by their use in this story. All other material, copyright 1998 by Deborah A. Kluge.All rights reserved.Characters and stories are in no way affiliated with, approved of or endorsed by Hanna Barbera or Turner Productions. This is created by a fan for other fans out of love and respect for the show, and is strictly a non-profit endeavor.


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